This Precious Body is the Only One You Get...

#totallygoodenough

(Courtesy of 3 yo who loves bodies)

What is keeping you from treating your body like the awesome and amazing body it is?

I'm betting there are been at least a few times (if not a great deal of time) that you have not treated your body in a healthy way. I know it is true for me! There are so many ways we take our bodies for granted and treat them like they don't merit our care and keeping.

I've put food and drink in this body that it definitely did not need as well as food and drink that were harmful to it. I've kept it from food and drink and shelter when it needed it, and I've given too much of each for my body to handle well at times. I've demanded a great deal of it doing tasks or amounts of tasks that it was not prepared to do or at times even built to do. If I only get one body, why do I mistreat it so. I would not do this to a car or any other prized item for which I am responsible. So why my body? After 40 years of working with people and working on myself, I'm aware of a few of the reasons we treat our bodies as we do. I'll share.

For some of us, it is a love/hate thing. There are parts of my body I feel so fortunate to have. My hair is thick and full of body, my ears are small and tucked away in a balanced sort of way, and my uterus has been able to nurture and deliver three incredible babies that have brought me great joy these last 30+ years. At the same time, there are parts of this body that I don't like so much--even the same parts that I do like which can be confusing. My hair is greying so slowly that I'm no longer blond or grey, my ears don't have much of a lobe making earrings have almost no place to go, and my uterus rejected several babies long before they were baked. The likes and dislikes play tug of war messing with my valuing of my body enough to really give it the care I think I'd like to do.

For some of us, it is a thoughtless thing--truly. We don't know better. I can't tell you how many times I've journeyed with someone who honestly had no idea what the body needs let alone how to give these things to their bodies. Where do we learn about the nutrition a body needs? or the sleep and kind of sleep needed? or why it's important to be clean? or what happens if we push our bodies with activities too far or not at all? I've watched women's lives change almost overnight when they learn that they actually need 7-9 hours of sleep and then learn to get it. Then there's the runners who have such mangled knees, ankles, and hips that they can no longer run as they used to that learn to use moderate swimming to give their bodies a less-damaging workout. There's the underweight teen who is always exhausted who learns to listen to signs of hunger and provide what is needed for that body to move without exhaustion. Then there's the family who had numerous ailments without end until they learned that the grime and mold throughout their home was a contributor. One big purge followed by regular cleaning and disinfecting brought their illnesses to a halt. What we know and don't know is powerful!

For some of us it is a soothing thing. I remember babysitting at 9 and being given two rolls of crackers to disperse to anyone of the 7 children who was upset. Sure enough, no matter what the issue was, that cracker was snatched up by every kid and gobbled down thus ending all tears. I know when I was a runner, I looked for that feeling that would come over me a ways into the run that felt calming, rhythmic, and just plain good. I'd think about running when a situation was less than pleasant and then go as soon as I could. I've journeyed with teen boys who carved into their skin and young and older women who cut, burned, and otherwise created pain or the sight of injury in response to stress or difficult emotion or the lack of emotion. How can it be that doing damage/harm to one's body is a soother. Is it a hormone thing--the release of endorphins? a Pavlovian thing--something pared with a real soother that now acts like a soother even when it isn't? How many of us either starve ourselves or forage when we are anxious or bored? Sounds like attempts at soothing.

For some of us, it's a pattern of self-abuse and punishment. Am I close to accurate in assuming that we all have been frustrated with ourselves at times? I know I have. I wonder how many of us believe that when we don't hit the mark we were hoping to hit or we catch ourselves not being our best selves, we should be punished. I can see how we make that make sense. But does it? Some abuse/punish for these life errors. Other maybe abuse or punish for a much deeper conclusion. Instead of, "I made a mistake," or "I didn't hit my mark," some of us say, "I am a mistake," or "I never hit any mark." This kind of characterization thinking can lead to self-loathing to varied degrees. It may well be that when we loath, we find it fitting to abuse/punish.

For some of us, it is protective. I think of the survivors of sexual and other assaults I've known who tell me at some point in their journeys that the feel safer in their new larger body size because they know they are not attracting a rapist (misguided, but understandable). I've heard more than a dozen people tell me that treating their bodies badly helps them form having to face the deeper scrutiny by others, "I'm rejected for what is easy to see before anyone sees what I am inside which would be worse." "I know what they would see if they looked any deeper, and that kind of shame is way worse than the shame over what I do to my body. At least I'm in control of that."

What's the remedy? How do we come to a place where we treat out bodies just as each needs to be treated to be healthy and as functional as they can be? I wish there was just one simple answer, but the answers are complex--just like humans--complex! But a helpful start might be to learn about one's body. How does it work? What does it need to work? What do most humans need for their bodies to function and what does one's particular body need? How else might we sooth? Life is full of bumps and bruises--and there are so many potential soothers that might make traversing the bumps and healing the bruises so much easier, quicker, longer-lasting, and more effective. Both exploring our need to be soothed and options for soothing might make a big difference. I like what a client once said to me, "Life doles out plenty of consequences; I guess I can stop adding to them myself." It does! and she could and did! She also examined why she gave herself such horrible titles and began to adopt more accurate moderate titles like, "I'm totally good enough even given that mistake," which was a good reminder of her humanness and promoted a willingness to treat herself better. What happens if we begin to acknowledge our enoughness and each other's enoughness? Might it be survivable and even thrive-able that my ears are too small for earrings, my uterus lost precious babies, and my hair is grey. Of course, here I am. What happens if we replace our judgment of self and others as negative and replace it with, "I am totally good enough, my body is good enough, and YOU are good enough as well."

We are, aren't we? The answer is YES! a resounding YES! We are each totally good enough to take steps on the journey to treating that one precious body with all its struggles and strengths as it needs to be treated! You can do it!